Saturday, May 1, 2010

This Envy/Jealousy thing...

The following is a response to a friend who was concerned about her feelings about others who were successful and "more than she was".  I wanted to comment about how important it is to recognize and deal with these feelings in an ongoing manner.  We all have these feelings, there is always someone else in whose presence we feel small and insignificant, somehow inadequate.  How we choose to deal with these feelings determines, in many ways, the directions our lives take.  For example, I've always avoided those situations.  When I met, or had the potential to meet, people that I thought were "better" than me, somehow, or "bigger" than me, I chose to avoid them.  What a loss in my life.  Many of those people would have been happy to teach and mentor me if I would have allowed it.  So I want to share what I've learned and what I've done to begin opening myself up to new people and experiences.  I hope you find some good information here for you too. 

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Excerpts from her posting:

Also I have noticed that i find it very easy to feel compassionate towards others who are vulnerable, weak, suffering in some way or experiencing self doubt but I sometimes find it very difficult to feel empathy towards people who feel really good in themselves, who are in their flow and being the best that they are in this moment. Often I find myself wanting to challenge them - either directly or in my own mind.  It really pisses me off more when someone else appears to have found all the answers and the key to their life because I'm still looking for mine.  HOWEVER this is not always the case as there are some people I've met recently who are living their soul passion and I just feel complete LOVE and RESPECT for - so I think that other things are coming into play.  I am wondering about karma today too.>
My response:
Your posting really moved me, in large part because of the honesty and openness you offer us.  Thank you for your trust.  And I also want to add, that this is INCREDIBLE NEWS for you.  You are giving yourself the GIFT of self-knowledge that will open the doors to personal change and growth.  How awesome is that!!!!  So regardless of any of your emotions, and they are all legitimate, also allow yourself to CELEBRATE the openness and honesty that you have cultivated in yourself.  WOW!!!  This is just MAGNIFICENT for you!

I really want to comment on this envy/jealousy thing because we all have it, I know I do.  I also know that until I can shift those negative feelings I will  not be able to achieve my goals.  Some of the things I have been working with include INTENTION, setting a very clear intention of my goal to eliminate those nasties from my psyche (stating it and writing it out is recommended.  This is the foundation of the work, so take your time and be sure you cover exactly what you want to achieve, because you will achieve it);  GRATITUDE, gratitude that someone else is showing me the possibilities in life; FORGIVENESS, forgiving myself for not being all I think I should be and forgiving them for being  more than I think I am; BLESSINGS, sending blessings to the person I'm feeling negative about and sending blessings to myself; GREETING their higher self (Namaste) allowing a deeper connection even when we are just passing by; and of course doing what I can to eliminate those feelings from my life. 

You'd be surprised to find how much just shifting your perceptions can alter how you feel.  It's kinda like smiling at yourself in the mirror when you are having a really bad day.  It lifts your spirits in a way nothing else can.  Of course, we often forget to do that.  I know I do.  But it does work.

And finally, clearing, clearing, clearing.  I focus on clearing my chakras and other energy centers, especially the first 3 when it comes to deeply embedded emotions like these.  Often, as you all know, these are longstanding from childhood and beyond.  And we carry them in our belly.  So focusing on that magnet deep in the earth and giving ourselves permission, over and over again, and then feeling those nasty emotions leaving does so much to improve how we feel about ourselves.  I like to do this sitting and imagine that the magnet is pulling directly out of my belly, not down through my legs. (More information can be found at if you are interested in learning about this process)

Permission to release is a really big part of this.  You may want to change something consciously, but you may be holding onto it subconsciously.  So if you have a technique that can bring these into accord, use that before you begin.  I use EFT when I'm feeling that split.  And there have been times when I've just repeated over and over for 10 - 15 minutes, I give permission, I give permission, forcing compliance between conscious and subconscious.  This is perhaps the most difficult because we live so much of our time in our consciousness that we forget what a powerful force the subconscious is.  To be successful in personal change and development, we MUST GET COMPLIANCE between those parts of ourselves. 

Anyway, I hope this is helpful.  

Namaste,  everyone...  (for those who may not know what this means:  the Goddess within me greets the God/Goddess within you, or love from my higher self to yours.  This is a Sanskrit term and widely used in India.)

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